The Easter "Bunny"

Every year my mother sends me a an easter package. At 35 I'm not sure why but hey, it's free candy. I think my mother is working through some guilt that harkens back to my youth. My grandfather informed my sister and I every year that there would be no easter eggs since he had shot the easter bunny. This was the same story we heard about Santa Claus too, though with the added storyline of Old Saint Nick being mistaken for a burglar and shot with good cause. Maybe my mom just enjoys sending me things, I'm not going to argue.

ANYWAY, I received my easter box the other day and it was filled with goodies. Twizzlers, Pop-Tarts (I love them), Girl Scout cookies, Nutty Buddies and of course my favorite easter treat, PEEPS. I love peeps, especially after you tear the package open and let the air get to the marshmallowy (spelling?) goodness so they harden up a little bit before you eat them. Sometimes it's fun to eat them piece by piece, the arms, the legs, the ears, the head but sometimes you've just gotta pop the whole thing in your mouth (the peep I mean). This year I got red baby chick peeps and bunny peeps. There were also two kinds of rawhide chews for my pups. They're really not supposed to have rawhide so I just left them in the box. Dash, the more inquisitive of the dogs managed to sniff them out and pull the package of chews out which he and his brother Chase ate, plastic wrapping and all. Dumb dogs.

At the bottom of the box was a small box that from it's wrapping no doubt housed a chocolate bunny. On top of it was a small envelope with a note from my mother. It read : "Lawrence, sorry I couldn't resist "the bunny". Happy Easter, Love Mom." Inside the envelope was an I-tunes gift card. I took the envelope off the bunny box. I thought she was apologizing for not being able to resist sending me a chocolate bunny when she knows I don't really like chocolate. Imagine my surprise when I see the bunny, subtly titled "Fairy Bunny" sporting a big gold foil wrapped pair of easter colored butterfly wings. Yes, it's a Fairy Bunny, as in "It's nice, Fairy Nice". In the lower right hand corner of the box are the words "Discover the Fairy Bunny Tale on Back". When you turn it over you are treated to a very special poem.

Fairy Bunny Tale

Not far from Whispering Willows
just north of Rainbow Bay,
is a valley few grown-ups know of
where the magical Fairy Bunnies play.

Not many have actually seen them,
fairy wings make hardly a sound.
Which is why they help hide the easter eggs
when the Great Easter Bunny comes around.

The Groans, the Grumps, and the cynical Sneers
must leave their sadness behind,
for the rule of Daffodil Valley
is that Easter belongs to the kind.

So this spring look skyward for Fairy Bunnies
at sunrise, just past Tulip Hill,
and you might see them winging homeward
to the Valley of the White Daffodil.

Nice huh, Fairy Nice. Oh well, I thought it was funny and thank god my mom has the sense of humor enough to send her gay son something like this. That and to tell me to stop cruising the bus boys when we go out to eat. Being a non-catholic (and therefore no doubt living the afterlife in purgatory) I'm not sure about the Easter calander but I think that Holy Week starts this Sunday with Palm Sunday. Those familiar with my Ash Wednesday habit of annointing folks with ashes from the ashtray may want to grab some extra palm fronds for me to burn for next year. Happy Easter to all no matter if you believe in the Easter Bunny or that Jesus rose from the dead, both are good stories. Eat some fish today and a cadbury egg for dessert, just leave my peeps alone!