The Totally True Story of a Douchebag and a Fetus.

Hey, just so you know; This is not the way to make your bartender happy.

Customer 1: Yeah give me four (insert name of inane shot here that is probably some regional crappy drink made up by the biggest douchebag bartender at the worst community college bar hangout where you spent your early drinking years).

Bartender: I have never heard of that shot...

Customer 1 Jerks head to Customer 2, some fetus on a stick he is trying to impress with his $200 dollar suit from Burlington Coat Factory.

Customer 1 to Fetus on stick: Hey, tell him what you want.

Fetus (Indignantly): SCREAMS ORDER (SEE ABOVE)

Bartender: Yeah, I still have never heard of that, what's in it?

Fetus (More indignant): Rattles off list of ingredients that are usually the same ingredients in a shot with seventeen other names except the name that it was just given by the fetus.

Bartender: Okay, sure, you wanted four of those?

Customer 1: Yeah, and (turns around to Fetus and his friends) What else did you guys want?

At this point the bartender, dis-interested in this pathology, has walked away and waited on another customer leaving Burlington Fetus Factory to stand there and wonder why his life is a miserable place...

I really need to get my hearing checked.

So over the weekend this customer says to me, "You're very splendid". Now first of all I can't imagine who uses the word "splendid" in every day conversation. I hear that word and I think of Paul Lynde saying "Oh Sammy..." but I digress. So the man tells me I am splendid and what is my reply?

"I don't have splenda, would you like some sweet and low?"

I really really should have my hearing checked.

Well the horrid Jazzfest is finally over. The first weekend it rained and rained and all the gross hippies sat in the mud and waited for Billy Joel to sing. There are a lot of artists I like and wouldn't mind seeing but I'm not standing in a thunderstorm to see anyone. Sorry, I'll buy your next CD. This weekend was sunny and nice but the field was still a muddy mess from what I'm told. I made my way out to Kenner yesterday for a crawfish boil but once again managed to avoid Jazzfest.

It's only a few weeks till vacation, I'm very excited. I haven't seen my friends or family in Indy for quite a while and then I'm off to Cali to see my sister and Mattie. The Ian is going to join me for the LA portion of the trip and I'm finally going to get to see the Broderick house in San Diego, the one where Betty shot her husband and his new wife.

Ciao for now!