Overdue...But worth the wait...

I have to backtrack to late June to make this entry and I apologize for the length of time it's taken me to get this out...Wait no further, may I present my blog entry about: David Sedaris.

David Sedaris was coming to town to do a book reading at Garden District Book Store. When a bookstore brings in an author they usually provide an escort (out of the gutter, I am talking someone who picks them up at the airport and drives them where they need to go) for the person. Due to a scheduling conflict they were unable to provide one of their own people. At the time my roommate Jeff was working at another independent bookseller so they called him up and asked if he could serve as David's escort. Jeff immediately said YES! But there was only one problem, he doesn't have a car. Fortunately I do so I offered the use of my vehicle. The day came and Jeff went to pick David up at the airport and dropped him off at his hotel. He had just gotten home when the phone rings and it's David asking Jeff to take him to a laundromat and then to get something to eat. Book tours are particularly grueling for authors, one city after another, catching flights early in the morning and doing signings until late at night. He hadn't had time to do laundry and the services at hotels weren't fast enough for him to get things washed there. I slept the afternoon away while Jeff spent his time hanging out with David. Hmphh... Anyway later Jeff came home and we both got ready to go the signing. We picked David up at his hotel and chatted all the way to the bookstore. David was complaining that his publicist kept booking him on super early morning flights (6 am, 5:30 am) and that he had been kind of mean to her earlier that day in suggesting she change his flights. Jeff had already told me this story having overheard (at least David's portion) the conversation between him and his publicist. Jeff's version was that David was almost apologetic to the woman and David's version seemed to be that he had raked the woman over the coals. I was in the back seat and I couldn't hear what was being said sooo I asked Jeff to turn down the radio. David immediately said "See, just like that, Lawrence saw a problem and immediately asked Jeff to turn down the radio so he could hear better, I need to learn to be more direct like that, I need to be more like Lawrence." My heart stopped immediately...New York times bestselling author David Sedaris had just suggested, while sitting in MY car, that he needed to be more like me. Luckily I had my personal defibrillator handy so I shocked myself back into submission. Once we got there Jeff helped David set up his signing area and David signed the books I had brought with me to be signed plus the books I bought for other people and had signed. (Mattie, yes I have one for you and you will get it when you get here to NO in a couple weeks.)

Now on a side note I have to talk about some personal motivations in my attending the signing. You remember Jake, the boy who unceremoniously dumped me back in June? Well, when we were dating I had introduced him to David's books and he had fallen totally in love with his work. I had purchased a few books for him and had even purchased a copy of David's reading at Carnegie Hall. I copied the CD and gave him the original. Anyway I knew he would be at the signing and I was more than thrilled for him to see me there hanging out with David. My bitter inner soul also wanted to convince David to sign Jake's book "If you hadn't dumped Lawrence you could have hung out with me too" but I didn't have the nerve to ask him. David was signing books but decided to go out for a smoke break so I went with him. We were standing outside together when Jake showed up. Luckily Jeff and another friend Kirk were standing there and blocked Jake from being able to see David immediately. Then when it was time to go in they moved out of the way and Jake was able to see me and my new buddy David walking in together. Petty, yes I agree but you know they say the best revenge is living well...And I was living pretty well watching his face make that perfect O as I walked by with an author that he idolized. Maybe I missed the point of that saying.

I digress.

David signed for a while and then settled down into his reading. He read a story that had recently been published in the New Yorker magazine, one that I had incidentally read on the plane returning from NY the week before. It was a very funny story about an argument with a woman on a plane and I had enjoyed reading it so much I laughed myself silly. Then David talked about his recent appearance on the Letterman show, trained monkeys (for which he has a strange fascination) and his new fascination with the fact that people defecate in retail stores and the codes used by the stores to alert others to the problem. Incidentally Target uses the phrase "Unclaimed Merchandise," so remember that the next time you're shopping.

After the reading was over (I sat right behind Jake and we did talk quite a bit. I don't hate the boy but gloating about my individual time with David was fabulous. I had to show him where David signed one of my books "Thanks for letting us use your car." He and I chatted for a few minutes (during which time I found out that he is still dating the boy he dumped me to date AND that the boy is living with him full time now....Grumble grumble) and then he was gone and I was back to enjoying time with David.

David is absolutely hysterical to be around, picking on people in line, taking donations from people just because he explained to people "I like to buy things and I need your money to do that." This was the funniest thing about the entire signing. David had told Jeff and I that it started early in the tour. His bank card wasn't working and he couldn't get any cash out of the ATM. He doesn't use credit cards so he was kind of SOL. That night he went to the signing and told people that he needed money so they should put money in his basket and they did. So he kept it up and every city the story got more and more outrageous and the more money he made. Here in NO the area for the signing wasn't big enough to accommodate everyone so they put some people in the coffeeshop. Right before the signing David went down there and offered to sign books for people for five bucks apiece. After the signing he signed books for everyone (for hours!) and said things like "I won't confront you or anything if you don't put money in my basket but I'll like you more if you give me cash" After he signed stock for the store to sell we left to take him back to his hotel. As we're driving away David was leaning one arm out of the car smoking a cigarette and said "If I had only only gone down to that coffee shop 10 minutes earlier I could have made another 25 bucks." I couldn't believe out of the whole day that's what he was thinking about but it was the perfect ending to my time with David Sedaris.