Square States, Ho! Oh Yeah, and Larry Craig.

So Southern Decadence is at long last over. The beer and cocktails and shots consumed, blow jobs and rim jobs and anonymous encounters (and probably more than a few subsequent trips to discrete doctors) along with old friends re-acquainted. The party's over for another year and people have returned to their square states. Decadence for me is filled mostly with work; like most bar employees I worked a seven day stretch, fortunately mine wasn't more than 9 hours any one day (of work anyway) and I had a little time each day to visit with friends.

(I had some comments to make here about the size of crowds, policies and the such but since I feel that my blog has been recently compromised I am going to avoid such things for a bit - bear with me, my usual criticisms and witticisms shall return when I am done licking my wounds)

My usual main annoyance during any holiday and especially Decadence is the dancers. I have to give a shout out to friend Christopher who has now officially hung up his go-go shorts and retired. Over the years he's always been a good dancer meaning that he actually dances. He's not sucking face or god knows what else or sitting down on the bar doing nothing but be in the way. Christopher is almost never in the way; He pays attention to what goes on below him (though how he sees us with that large bulge in his pants is beyond me) and moves as we need him to move. He was popular with our patrons and with all the staff and he'll be missed. Hopefully we'll see him for visits to the city from time to time. It was also good to see Adam Killian, who is as vigorous of a performer as I've ever known. He's great to watch and he always brings hot boys with him. One of the boys he brought this year (whose name I do not know, I never saw him speak to anyone who worked there) was a handsome guy and very muscular BUT he was wearing FLIP FLOPS. ON THE BAR. Flip Flops. That awful sound of the non-shoes slapping on the bar was annoying, not to mention that I had to look at his toes which were curled up to keep the damned things on. Fortunately there was another boy with them (Brad I think) who was a little shorter (Which I love), super hot looking with a beautiful smile and body who was uber friendly. The other dancer may not have even had teeth as I never saw him open his mouth to smile. Even though the sour puss and his bare feet (and seriously swollen ankles, I swear, cankles) were a minor nuisance he was nothing compared to the "star" performer. I refuse to publish full names anymore so a description will have to do. His last name is Hunt. He proudly sports his 13 inch penis which sits atop scrawny legs and just below a powder white torso covered with a smorgasbord of tattoos including one of a baby's face. I'm not sure about other peoples porn desires but I don't think I want to see some cherub like face while one guy is being impaled by a giant rod. It's disturbing. I couldn't see anything attractive about the guy, a sentiment that seemed to be shared by everyone around me all weekend long. Then there was Four Square. This is not his real name but it's my nickname for him. He has one dance move that looks like a cross between someone shoving a corncob up his ass and a naked game of four square. Arms up at his side, shoulders hunched and his little jazz squared ass stuck out like a chimp at a zoo. I hope he doesn't fuck like that. He kicks over drinks, then stands there in the mess while you try to clean it up. Whenever someone approaches the bar with money out to buy a drink he is there like a shark, looming over the person, many of whom give him a dollar to get him out of the way so they can order a drink. Definitely not one of my favorites. In a bit of good news we may have seen the last of another dancer, my absolute least favorite ever. You may have heard me mention the thigh slapping, calf tongue penis looking dancer before and my intense dislike for him. I heard through the grapevine he wasn't planning to dance for us anymore and I was so upset that I did a little jig. I think he just turned 50 or so anyway so it's probably time to hang up the penis pump anyway.

I went to the parade on Sunday afternoon with several other guests from a pre-parade party at my friend Dillons house. It was very hot and crowded but we managed to snare a spot near the Verti Mart. I even broke my long standing personal rule to not purchase things at the Verti-Mart because it's incredibly dirty. There is no use in pointing out to me that I am a regular customer of the Quarter Master which is just as dirty. The world comes down to two types of people, Verti-Mart people and Quarter Master people. Pub or Oz, Judy or Barbra, David Sedaris or communist. My water purchased I stepped outside just as the parade began. The first thing I noticed was that there were several people dressed as Guardian Angels. I totally thought it was a costume but for some reason they were serving as some sort of security. In all the years I have lived in New Orleans I've never seen a parade that didn't have a band. I'm not sure why they didn't have one, perhaps there wasn't one available. I was expecting loud whistles and a band and screaming but it's was off an running without a bang as they say. I only saw two of the Grand Marshall's, missing Mr. Martinez. I'm always amused by the creativity of people who work current events into these parades. There was a group of Wendys (for David Vitters wife and one of the sex workers involved) as well as the red pigtailed daughter of ultra conservative Dave Thomas. She was carrying a big red cross emblazoned with the words "Wendy Saves". My favorite though was a large red white and blue political sign that read "Larry Craig for President, he'll tap, tap, tap his way into your heart". Now that was funny. A co-worker told me later that they did have music later in the parade, not from a band but that there was music. I missed most of the official stuff, I caught a few minutes of the Lady Bunny show and one of the Shirley Q. shows. I had a couple drinks late one night with Chi-Chi and Lady Bunny and a very nice short conversation with them. I also had a funny incident with another porn star. His last name is long and he isn't kidding. One of my co-workers approached me and said ".... Long just slapped me in the face with his penis, kiss me right here" and my response was "hey, I want some of that action, where's he at?" So we took off upstairs to where the guy was on the balcony and he was more than happy to oblige me with a few friendly smacks from his massive endowment. I immediately had to text Matt in San Diego to tell him of my sordid encounter and got back the desired "fuck you fuck you fuck you I hate you" and a threat never to return my copy of a porn this guy appears in that Matt "borrowed" on a visit last year. Matt texted me last week to tell me that he was a few feet away from another porn star I love (Everett) at a mexican restaurant. I got more action but I would have loved to have seen that one. As Matt described it to me "I'm five feet away from Everett. I'm four feet away from Everett's cock." Priceless.

On to Other Items...

Larry Craig. Yes. He was mentioned a moment ago and I have to say that I missed the close connection we Orleanians have to this Senator. I didn't realize he was the same senator who made the comment after Katrina that

"Fraud is in the culture of Iraqis. I believe that is true in the state of Louisiana as well."

as well as some other comments about why New Orleans should be re-built since it's a low lying area. Idiot. I love every time one of these republican moralists gets nailed in a sex scandal. It just puts a smile on my face and a song in my heart. FindLaw.com has a great article that includes the official arrest documents. They also have a blurb about another similar scandal with Craig that happened back in 1982. There was a former congressional page who made allegations that there were members of congress who were giving drugs and propositioning sex with the minor pages. BEFORE he could even be named Craig put out a statement that he wasn't involved. What's the phrase, me think he doth protest too much. It did bring back a long forgotten but fun little joke. Why don't congressmen use book marks? Because they like to bend their pages over.

I have more to write but my fingers and eyes and brain are tired. More soon.