We interrupt this blog...

To make this special announcement:

I just want to send a very special thank you out on my blog today.

To Barb: (whose name I only know because I heard her friends say her name)

Thank you for being a complete kooz. Thank you for being such an abrasive, mean spirited and complete and utter bitch while you dined today.

Let's review, shall we?

First you were a fucking bitch to the 8 month pregnant hostess who sat you.

Then you were an indignant CUNT to the person who delivered your food.

As if this weren't enough, you had the god-damned audacity to ask me to bring you a PITCHER of water to refill your glass that was half full (or half empty). When I told you I couldn't bring a pitcher but that I would be happy to refill your glass (which, BTW, was a total lie) you asked me to bring you two glasses. Now my hearing may not be up to snuff but as I walked away, I swear I heard you say, "because the service here is so slow..."

I hope you really didn't say that, but acting as if you did, I intentionally filled both those glasses to full and took away your straws hoping against hope that you would spill that water all down the front of your unflattering power suit that would have a much better effect if it hadn't been bought at Lane Bryant. I tell you Barb, it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other and walk away from you at that point. What I wanted to do was break the glass across your smarmy puss and laugh my way to the city lock-up.

After you left I had some time to think about your visit. My wish for you, my deepest prayers were that you had a meeting this afternoon that ran so long you were hating yourself for drinking so much water because you had to piss like a Russian race horse and eventually had to piss yourself and hope that your winged maxi would hold out like you were in the 9th ward of New Orleans.

Oh, and to the lady that was wearing the Louis Vuitton knit cap; seriously I had to look twice at the crumpled bills you left as a tip, I figured they were knock off's as well. Baby, if you're going to wear knock offs to your job at the Vo-Tech, make sure it's something that the designer actually does sell. Just a tip.