Boo Hoo

"I have children so I need the entire world to bow down and kiss my ass"

Okay it's not a direct quote but it's a sentiment I hear expressed often by people who have children. The latest whine is aimed at Southwest Airlines decision to move the pre-boarding time for families to a space between the A and B boarding times. OUTRAGE! How dare an airline not kiss the ass of a family traveling with (usually) un-ruly children. What is Southwest thinking treating their customers who aren't traveling with kids as important.

Blogger comments from parents are filling up sites with their fuming, "This is the last time you'll get my money Southwest." To which I reply, "Good". I want an airline to come right out and say it, "We don't want your screaming children on our planes." As much as these parents bitch about how the airlines aren't bowing down to their uncontrolled procreation I would like to bitch about how annoying people with children on planes can be. You're half-hearted apologies and "He's at that age" comments about your squalling toddler kicking my seat bring me no solace. Your seven year old turned around in his seat staring at me for two hours while you sleep only makes me wish you were sterile. Listening to your four year old sing along with a big blue dog only makes me wish I had a pit bull handy. Parents cry, "It's difficult to travel on a plane with children!" Here's a novel approach, drive. You can get in your own car and drive wherever you want to go without the added hassle of being so mis-treated by the airlines. "But," you say, "I have the right to fly just like you do." Sure you do, but demanding extra rights because you chose to bring another life onto the planet is not your right. If you insist on flying then here's a piece of advice. Get there on time. All airlines offer pre-check in up to 24 hours ahead of time. If you need to be the first one on the plane because you have to herald your child's 27 toys to keep them occupied for the 2 hours flight then it's up to you to plan ahead. I know it's a novel approach to parenting that you be prepared and responsible for your own children, but try.

Infants are especially an issue. I understand that at times it's necessary for a parent to fly with an especially young child. When I fly I have to chew gum to keep my ears from popping like crazy, a very painful experience. It's just cruel to subject a child to this who can't tell you that they are in pain. Then of course they cry and nobody can enjoy their free cookies and half a glass of water. Recently an airline employee was criticized for suggesting that a woman give her child a dose of childrens benadryl to encourage sleep. The little passenger was repeatedly saying "Bye Bye Plane, Bye Bye Plane" which made the flight attendant a bit upset. Granted it's a child but that behavior could make anyone boarding a flight a little jumpy. The reply from the outraged mother who, according to her own statement, "felt helpless"? "I'm not drugging my child so you can have a better flight!" I'm not suggesting that airlines make it mandatory that you give your children sleeping agents but in a perfect world... They make you drug your dogs and cats still don't they?

I would gladly pay extra to fly on a flight that was guaranteed not to have anyone under the age of 18 on it. No screaming infants, no crying toddlers, no gabby pre-teens. If the airlines do let them pre-board I say put them all in one area together. Let every flight they take be punctuated with the screams of the mess they've created for themselves.

Now I'm not down on children across the board, don't get me wrong. I just think that if you choose to have children you shouldn't expect the rest of the world to be your co-parent.