Ungracious and Sober

So I decided after the hoopla of "Oh What a Drag," or OWAD for those in the know, that I needed to take a break from drinking for a while. So I stopped drinking. For those people that are close and constant in my life you know that this is no great feat. I checked the stock market today and stock in Southern Comfort has already dropped 10% just on rumors of my sobriety. Today is day 6 and where the hell is my AA token? Seriously, it's been an experience and I'm trying desperately not to come across as some self righteous freak who found god and went on the wagon. I will drink again! (picture Vivian Leigh at burned out Tara) I am taking a break but I hope never again to return to the intense amount of drinking that has so plagued my memories (rather robbed me of them) of my 20's. Perhaps I am having a mid life crisis a little early. Nonetheless, let me continue. Working in a bar sober is a very odd experience. I always knew that I dealt with a lot of stupid people but I had no idea how many of my friends fit into that category with a little liquor in them. They always made sense before. I'm a little spacey for my brain wondering when the schnapps and SoCo are coming, but other than that I am doing alright. There was fear, mine and others, that this would lead to a demise in my razor wit or unabashed ability to banter and brawl. Road Apples.

A Brief Example:

One of the dancers at the bar, who is straight, flipped out when someone took a picture of him last night. My take on that is, is you're willing to dance on the bar in your jockeys and make money off of gay people, then don't flip out when someone WHO IS PAYING YOU takes your picture. God forbid your momma found out you were not only (GASP) a dick dancer, but worse, doing it for Queers!!!! When he successfully avoided my digital camera I decided that furthur action was needed. I have several disposable cameras lying around the house. The plan was to give them to a few friends and then we would stalk him like papparazzi. I wanted him to think that Diana in a tunnel was a cake walk comparatively. Alas he foiled my plans by allowing one of my customers (whom he had previously denied) the chance to take a picture with him.

Back to the sobriety story:

I worked for another bar in New Orleans where we couldn't drink and I rarely did. My co-workers would often sneak over to the telephone (whoops, am I giving away trade secrets?) to grab a shot out of surveillance camera range, but I usually abstained. I think in my first few months here it was probably a good thing or I would be dead by now. When I went to work at the pub (Aug, 2000 so we are very close to my 4 year anniversary) I was thrilled to find out that we could drink while we worked. I think that I set new records. My friend Sam and I one night drank a mind eraser for every one of the American spy plane hostages being held by China. I think that was around 30 some drinks, on top of the cocktails and shots with other customers. Suffice to say I was a wee bit drunk. I've worn my alcoholism (it's just a word, I'm not a friend of Bill) like a merit badge and quite honestly I've had a great time. This is not a confession of guilt or remorse because I don't feel that my drinking has injured my life in any great way or caused me irreparable harm. It's just time for a change.

Ungracious

I was raised with manners. Seriously, I was raised with very good manners. I'm not talking your ham handed "Sir" and "Ma'am" but something more. You might call it class or just common sense, but it's more than politeness. I am a very gracious host to people in my home and take great care when dealing with my friends to not belittle (other than in jest when I'm walking what's left of my wit) but to be honest. God I sound so new age here but I value certain things in people, Decency, (no we're not talking morals or I'd have packed it in long ago, morals are a whole other story) Loyalty, (which requires more than not acting like a middle school girl) and yes, a certain amount of Graciousness.

I like guys. Simple, huh. When you like a guy, even just as sort of a casual thing, it really sucks when they treat you like crap, especially if you have even just a dash of pride and don't take it as an assault on your self esteem. It's probably more like an assault on the other persons, but that's a whole 'nother ball of wax. So there is a boy who I liked, not to date, not to have a relationship with, I just like him and am glad to see him. We speak on the phone a few times a week, usually in text messages as we both go about our daily lives. He did something really stupid a while back by being out with me and kissing on one of my friends. I discussed it with him and had quiet, well chosen and direct words with said kissing bandit friend and went on with the night. Maybe my mind works differently than other peoples. I took that whole night as a big indicator that I shouldn't let myself get too attached to him but that we could still be friends. When he was around this weekend I treated he and his friend to lunch. They came to the bar later and began ordering numerous drinks, all on my good little tab I was running for them. They tipped occasionally and of course I could have asked them to pay for the drinks as they went, but I was being a nice host and a friendly bartender. It wouldn't be a night at the pub without it so here it is, the Drama Moment. Enter stage left my friend, the aforementioned kissing bandit. I didn't really care if he was there or not until a scenario was set up by the uber drunk Director: The best friend of the boy I liked. The stage was set to elicit a jealous fit on my part. My motivation? Having the two of them kiss in front of me. Seriously. This is what I got in return for my friendliness. I wasn't jealous, I wasn't angry (okay I was a little angry), but I was disappointed in their decisions, their childishness and their stupidity. Both the director (now nearly passed out on my bar, I thought Texans could drink) and BIL (Boy I Liked) both attempted to explain that it was a joke, a set up, and I could give two shits either way. Now I hear some of you out there saying "quit your whining and get rid of the friends," but that's really not the point. These people are in their mid to late 20's and should really know better. What was accomplished other than sealing my view of them as classless children. I thought about trying to discuss it with the BIL but don't see what it would accomplish. Unlike Appointee Bush I can say the phrase correctly, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"

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