Saturday, November 18

Post Election Wrap Up

I am not really sure what wise words I could add to the coverage of the election. Arizona republican congressman Jeff Flake probably said it best when he appeared on Real Time with Bill Maher. "We got beat like a borrowed mule," the congressman said. I couldn't agree more.

So many republicans lost their long held seats, but none made me happier than the defeat of Rick Santorum. His concession speech was fabulous, especially with his children crying on national television. I wanted to catch their tears with a spoon and drink them. Check out these pictures of his whining little daughter. "My daddy's not a Senator anymore!"


ahhh memories

So I recently came across this story about my High School. It brought back not so fond memories of the torturous years I spent there. The school is a white flight suburban school, full of kids with too much money and too little parental control. It was a horrible place when I went there and I was constantly bullied and harassed. It wasn't just the students that were so wretched, it was the teachers as well. On my first day of high school the gym teacher (whose name was Gene Wheat in case anybody is googling his homophobic name) came into the locker room and called my friend Eric and I out while we were getting dressed for class. He said "I've heard about you two and they'll be no boo-fooing in my locker room." For those unfamiliar with the phrase, boo-fooing is a very stupid term for a blow job. The very first day of school in front of a locker room full of boys. We were both pegged as gay and became the favorite punching bag of boys who needed to re-assure themselves of their masculinity. I can only imagine in a post columbine world that kids who are different are still treated horribly there and this story only goes to prove that point.

Thursday, November 16

Seriously

I really do believe that the woman who lives upstairs from me is either building furniture, teaching samba, moving a piano constantly around the room for exercise or she has a whole family of dutch people with wooden shoes in her apartment. Whatever it is, she makes a hell of a racket up there.

Wednesday, November 15

Some Lesbians and a Dream

Sunday night a co-worker asked me to fill for him on Tuesday night. This is lesbian night at the bar, complete with drag king show. Now I've been to the show before and always found it entertaining but I've never worked that night. If I work on Tuesday it's usually downstairs and it's almost always slow and painful.

The good thing about working upstairs is that you open late and close early. We opened up about 10:30 but the regular bartenders assured me we wouldn't get busy until showtime which is midnit-ish. By 11:45 we still weren't that full but I was prepared for the onslaught. It never was very busy and the show was very short. Let me say a few things about the show. First of all the names that these girls choose are hysterical. They used to have a performer whose name, I swear to god, was Quick Lick McGraw. After that was my favorite one ever, Buster Hymen. I still laugh at that one. Neither of those two were performing last night but Mr. Harvey Wallbanger was there and a few others that weren't that funny. One thing I don't understand about drag king shows is when they perform gangsta' rap. The most misognyistic type of music around, it's full of references to women as 'bitches' and 'ho'. I just don't understand why a group of women (or womyn) would want to celebrate music that seems to hate them. Of course I am alternately confused as to why drag queens want to do long slow tragic songs especially when they are clearly sung by a black woman but performed by pasty white girls. I digress.

The night was uneventful but I kept a few little notes to myself. Enjoy:

The number of times I refused service to people who were clearly stamped as underage: 2

The number of draft beers I served to lesbians (this one amazed me): Zero

The number of times I was asked by people "Are you new here?": Five

The number of times I was stiffed (read: not tipped): Seventeen

The number of times that the person who stiffed me was a middle eastern man: Ten

The number of Sad Looking Mohawk Sporting Cargo Shorts with an Oxford Shirt Wearing X-Heads Dancing Alone on an Otherwise Empty Dance Floor When Only Penny Loafers Would Have Made the Situation Worse Than the Harsh Reality: One


All in all the night was fine. I worked with someone whom I like very much and enjoy working with but we are not often scheduled together. The night was over by about 3:15 when we closed the upstairs. By then all the women had gone and the aforementioned mohawk boy was one of the only people left. I counted my money and headed for the door only to find a blinding rainstorm and skies full of lightning. I called a cab but wasn't holding out much hope of actually getting one to take me home. Luckily a co-worker who drives to work offered me a ride and I was safely home and asleep by 5 am.

GQ has it's way with New Orleans

Recently GQ magazine sent it's resident food writer, Alan Richman down to New Orleans to investigate our restaurant scene and the aftermath (of course) of Katrina. The article is very long, spread over 8 glossy pages in the magazine but you can read it here. Controversy was immediately created and the writer blasted in the local paper and local blogs for the smear type campaign his article really was. Though each of the articles here are long you should check them out.

A friend sent me the story and the responses. In writing a response to him I realized I was writing a blog, so here goes.

This controversy was one I had totally missed. I really don't read glossy mens magazines so I missed the article there. I might have seen the coverage of his criticism in the Times Picayune but I tend not to read the newspaper.

(NOTE: I am correcting earlier statements that I have made about the Times Picayune. I duly apologize for impugning the work of the Times Picayune staff who worked tirelessly after the storm to put the paper back together and report the grim situation here in New Orleans under what must have been horrific conditions. On that same note I have previously written about the TP articles written by Chris Rose that were a god-send to those of us who had been evacuated to various parts of the country. He put a voice to things that most of us felt and made the situation human, a skill most reporters lack in this day and age. The TP has worked hard to report without prejudice every angle of the storm and it's aftermath to great success. They have definitely been a huge factor in the city being able to heal and come back together to rebuild our lives and our great city)

Most of us living here are oblivious these days to the endless parade of reporters who tramp their way through a few blocks of the 9th ward and declare the entire place as hopeless. They report their "findings' which only serves to hurt the city because their sheep-like readers will take their word for it and abandon one of the greatest American cities ever to exist.

Dismissal of the French Quarter entirely is all I need to know about this story but I did read the entire thing. Those "characters" that are mentioned, the ones that make the quarter nothing more than a copy of Tijuana are part of what makes this city great and what's wrong with stumbling out of a bar in the morning? If most places in this country had the relaxed attitude about alcohol that New Orleans displays you would see a people who could actually handle drinking responsibly. Our decaying walls in the quarter withstood the worst natural disaster to ever hit the country. While I agree that Bourbon streets tacky t-shirts shops and strip clubs may be a bit much for some people, one doesn't have to travel very far in NY or LA or Miami to find the exact same strip of businesses. The only difference is that we aren't so prissy as to not throw theatres and wonderful restaurants right in the middle of the hoopla.

All of that said, I agree with a few of his points. Restaurants here are like many businesses, offering half hearted products and services. People here are tired. Tired of the storm, tired of looking at the damage, tired of talking about the storm. It makes me angry when I hear someone say "well, since the storm" as an excuse for a service they no longer offer or a dish they no longer serve. Occasionally someone will be at my bar and say "I was here a few years ago and it was more fun" and I will, fighting back an urge to punch them, say "well you know, since the storm.." And I catch myself. Of course I can make a pretty decent argument that the "fun" level of New Orleans still exists even if it's been reduced to shorter bar opening times and infiltrated by an exhaustion that we can only begin to explain.


There is one thing that I think is missing in this discussion of the death of New Orleans cuisine. The entire US suffers from a problem that hasn't escaped New Orleans, namely the people who eat out. Here I think the problem lies more with tourists than locals but I know many people who still eat red beans and rice on Mondays and fish on Fridays. In general people want the same thing most times and don't want to try something new. They want to know if they order trout meuniere that it's going to taste exactly as it did at the last restaurant and the one before that and the one before that. Many chefs pride themselves that the dishes that are served in "traditional" New Orleans restaurants haven't varied in their recipe but they do change. They change as the world changes. Does trout caught today taste the same as trout caught ten years ago. Do the herbs that grow in the ground taste the same from every seed? Pollution and ingredients mean that fresh food is an ever changing product. Processed food-stuff that many restaurants serve today is faithful to it's followers. It's hard to screw up frozen fish sticks.

While New Orleans has long been associated with a world class cuisine, it was a reputation that was somewhat deceiving. Chefs have long been an integral part of New Orleans and the influences by different cultures that exist here (including those wacky Canadians) combined to make our city's food scene a true melting pot. Restaurants are part of a bigger culture that exists here and few other places. They were and are a social place, where the social elite mingled with wide eyed tourists and fiercely loyal locals who spend time arguing over the French bread served at favorite restaurants. Yes these things and places still exist, it's part of the culture of New Orleans. Old families still have a waiter at Antoine's and Galatoire's. I've eaten at Galatoire's several times with members of old Louisiana families and I've never seen a menu. These folks just know what they serve and often the waiter takes a glance at you and knows what you'll want. We eat in seasons here and until the storm we were a people mostly dependent on our local waters and bayous to feed the city. Our streams and waterways gave us opportunity to eat foods not widely available other places, even NY with it's four star restaurants on every corner. While a family BBQ in the north might bring up arguments of the best way to stack coals, throw a crowd of Orleanians around a pot of boiling crawfish and listen to that discussion. It's almost as involved as the argument of who has the best fried chicken and when your roux is the exact right color.

If the roux at Herbsaint isn't what this food critic/journalist expected, then I suppose the restaurant owes him an apology. I personally don't enjoy my food being vertical but that seems to be the wave of the future in every white linen restaurant in the country. I usually don't enjoy having to decipher four languages to get a handle on Cuban/Asian/Russian fusion foods but that seems to be what you can expect at restaurants in big cities today. The writer puts it best when he says that people either get or don't get New Orleans. Here is a perfect example of someone who doesn't get it. The restaurants that he does claim to enjoy he equates to basically being one roomed shacks by the side of the road in an otherwise desolate neighborhood. That he didn't insist on eating his meal perched atop a FEMA trailer surprises me greatly. One gets the idea he threw on a backpack, loaded his shotgun and set off to shoot himself a Po-Boy for lunch.

Tuesday, November 7

An election day video

I saw this on another website and nabbed it from YouTube. It's a great video.

Today being election day I hope everyone exercised their right to vote, no matter who you voted for or what your political beliefs.

I cast my ballot this afternoon and am not afraid to tell you that I cast my vote for Karen Carter and fully expect to see her in the run-off election.

There were several initiative ballots on our polls, the most important one being to reduce our board of seven assessors to one office, I voted yes to that ballot.

Happy Election Day, I am looking forward to the results this evening to see if the democrats can take back the house and/or the senate. Let's hope!

Monday, November 6

Nemesis...not mine but a good candidate..

So there is a new singing "duo" of gay twins called Nemesis. Fitting huh. They play their song "#1 in Heaven" at my bar all the time. They are a novelty item I guess, gay twin singers...didn't this already happen with Hanson?

Anyway, my point is this, check out this picture and tell me what you think, is it a publicity stunt or are they really mongoloids? You decide.

I vote that they are very late term thalidomide babies.

Okay so just for giggles I googled "thalidomide" and came across this. To say I nearly shit myself laughing would be an understatement...

Just in time for the elections...

Just in time for the elections

Saturday, November 4

Finally...

When I was a senior in high school (yes, in the 80's children) my sister lived in an apartment on the far northside of Indianapolis. One night during a party at their house they decided to create a "slam book" on their living room wall. If you don't remember slam books, let me explain. This was a notebook that was full of silly questions. The book would be passed around during class recess or lunch periods. There would be questions like "If you could kiss any one boy, who would it be," and things of that nature. The first page of the book would be numbered and you wrote your name next to the number of your choice. This way when you answered the questions in the book you were "anonymously" using only a number. People looking through the book would have to flip around to see who answered what question which way based on their assigned number. It was really stupid but it was something that kids did to pass the time. Everybody has the general idea now, right. Okay, so my sister and her roommate made a slam wall, same concept, you put your name next to a number and then went along the wall with marker and answered the questions. One of the questions was about what tv star you most wanted to kiss and my answer was "Doogie Howser." I was just in the early stages of my gay adventures and my sister and her friends found this very funny. I loved that show and thought he was so cute. Since then I've seen him in a few movies here and there and was thrilled to find him again in the CBS show "How I met your mother".

Today I am vindicated for my lifelong adoration of Neil Patrick Harris.

I am so happy that this day has finally come and extend to Mr. Harris all my best wishes to him and his career. If you happen to read this Mr. Harris and you're looking for a 30 something boyfriend, you can drop me a line anytime.

Wednesday, November 1

For Example # 2

Yesterday I wrote about how New Orleans was not part of the "most dangerous cities" profiles because our police didn't turn in the required figures to the company doing the report. Then this happens. No wonder they don't report anything.